Airlines

A man is sitting in the bar in departure lounge at Gatwick airport.A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the 

airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto  'We love to 

fly and it shows'. The woman looks at him blankly.

He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the 

hearts of the world'.

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines 

motto 'Going beyond expectations'.

The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f ** k do you want?'

'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. 'Ryanair'

The Harley Rider

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky parted above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking;  the supports reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!  It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women;  we want to know how they feel
inside, what they're thinking when they give us the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say nothing's wrong, and how we can make women truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

There was a Church.....

There was a church down in Texas that had a young, very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Her trim waist made the jiggle even that more apparent.  
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably - especially the men. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.  
One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some gree persimmons, and rub them on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons though because they are so sour, they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while.  
She agreed to try it.  
The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said, "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a Thermon tewday."  

Wailing Wall

In Jerusalem, a female BBC journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, and everyday for along, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview.
 "I'm Rebecca Smith from the BBC.  Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?"
 "For about 60 years."
 "60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?"
 "I pray for peace between the Muslims and the Jews. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."
 "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
 "Like I'm talking to a brick wall."