I say, I say, I say...

1. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
2. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
3. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out. So he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
4. Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality; their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling.The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Lief off my census."
8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
10. By the way, the guy who wrote these 9 puns entered them and one other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Singles Ad

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed.
It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.
"SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good-looking girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work; wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting..."
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.

Blonde

One day a blonde decides that she is sick & tired of all the jokes about blondes & how they are normally perceived to be stupid so she decides to show her husband that blondes are really smart.
While her husband is away at work she decides that she is going to paint a number of rooms in the house.
The next day, after her husband leaves for work, she commences the task
At 1730hrs her husband arrives home & immediately smells the paint.
He then walks into the living room & finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
At the same time he notices that she is wearing a parka & a leather jacket.
He goes over to her & asks if she is alright & she says yes.
He asks what she has been doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blondes are dumb, and she wanted to show him by painting some of the rooms in the house.
He then asks her why she is wearing a leather jacket & a parka.
She replies by saying that the instructions on the paint can said:-
FOR BEST RESULTS PUT ON TWO COATS

Emoticons

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by:-) :-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass

Four Friends at a Party

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said,
"My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said,
"Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said:
"Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked:
"What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said:
"We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied:
"My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied:
"No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

The Hypnotist

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.
As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."The excitement was almost electric as the Amazing Eileen withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations."
She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... "The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces."Shit" said the hypnotist. .....................
It took three weeks to clean up the theatre.

Three Ducks

Three ducks walked into a bar.
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi,and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?
"The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So,you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."

Lexophiles

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The man who fell into an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Management v IT

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am,"
The woman below replied, "You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 50 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be in information technology," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything you have delayed my trip."
The woman below responded,"You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
Well, "said the woman, "you don’t know where you are or where your going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow it’s my fault!"

Royalty!

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers,
'Captain Marvin has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one. To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up bitch”

Elmer Fudd

Copywight Elmur Fudd 1994 . All wights wesewved.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Do witches use spell checker?
Half of the people in the world are below average.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Dain bramaged.
Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
Give me ambiguity or give me something else

Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead" he replied.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
"£300!" she cried, "£300 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £40 but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."

The Blonde and the Lord

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heaven the voice bellowed THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK."

Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer and at the appropriate point in the process told him that he would now need to enter a password, something he would like to use, to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention so when the computer asked him to enter his password he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in ...
P
E
N
I
S
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied ...
PASSWORD REJECTED ... NOT LONG ENOUGH

Jesus is Watching You

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlightaround, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying:"Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promisedhimself a holiday after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires,clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for thesource of the voice Finally, in the corner of the room, hisflashlight beam came to rest on a parrot."Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot."Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."! The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."

Popes And Lawyers

Once a Pope and a lawyer died and they went to heaven. So God came and said, 'Follow me and I will give you your rooms.' So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room. It was very small with a small bed and a small desk. 'Thank you, thank you my lord,' said the Pope. Then God gave the lawyer his room, it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and pretty woman. 'Mr.God, why do you give all this to me and just that small room to the Pope?' 'Well, popes, we have them by the dozens, and lawyers, well, your the first one.'

The Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town called Weipa. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this,mister! I'm talking to that little prick on your knee."

Problems?

Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and the walk home is taking some time due to their intoxicated state. Eventually they find themselves desperate for a wee. At that particular moment they are passing a church and decide to go behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish they both realise they have nothing to 'freshen up' with so the first woman decides to use her knickers and then throw them away. The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, when she notices a new grave nearby with lots of fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with a thick soft ribbon. 'Just the job' she decides and without another thought duly drags the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their task complete the women continue staggering home.
Next morning the husband of the first women phones the husband of the second. "We need to keep an eye on our wives. Mine came home with no knickers on last night." "You think you've got problems?," exclaims the second husband. "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her arse that said 'We'll never forget you from All the Lads at the Fire Station".

Shipwrecked

A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They were all eventually washed up onto the beach of an uninhabited island.
After being there for awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle: a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed and lo-and-behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor of this was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful the Kiwi had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her but they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to the evening ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze: perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the Kiwi started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought them for as long as he could but he finally had to give in. He leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear.....
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Having a Bad Day?

There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays. So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
*
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
*
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
*
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
*
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

More Facts

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first "Marlboro Man."
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Learning

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes, Sir.
Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars... but
Realistically...we're living with two sluts and a queer.

Bingo

A young girl from Donegal leaves home to find work among the bright lights of London. She comes home 6 months later and steps out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat. "Begorrah, Collen," says her mother. "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?" Colleen replies, "Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London." When the weekend's over, Colleen returns to the bright lights, but she's back to visit her mom a few months later. This time, when she steps out of the taxi, she's wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring. Same exchange with Mom............same "Won it at bingo!" Then Colleen returns to the bright lights again. A few months later, she's back again. And this time she's sporting a beautiful emerald diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She hands her mother 1,000 pounds and explains that she won it all in bingo. Then she asks her Mom to run her a bath as she need to freshen up. Her Mom draws the bath while Colleen gets undressed in her bedroom, but when she gets to the washroom, there's only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub.
Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her Mom being so cheap with the hot water after being handed 1,000 pounds, calls downstairs, "Mom! Sure now didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!"
"Indade there is, me darlin" replies her Mom. "But we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card wet now, do we?"

Sisters of St Francis

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought......Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES
Then a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive....On the side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell.... The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"...He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."..... "Very well my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented....The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, Please knock on this door".............
He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.....This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway".......
He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup..... He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him........
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER